After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
