ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
