You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize