I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
