My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
