she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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