if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
