is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
