we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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