So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
