omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
