I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
