She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
