hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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