i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
