I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
