I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
