The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
