it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize