you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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