I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
