We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize