Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize