glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize