I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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