i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
