He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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