I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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