Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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