are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
