And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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