before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
