she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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