i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize