ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize