saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
