After last night, I could never be a politician.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
