____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
