When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
