Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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