Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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