Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
