Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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