One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
