I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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