i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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