she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
