I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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