He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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