remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
