after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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