I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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