she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
