On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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