I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
