happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
