I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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