Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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