I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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