3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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