he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
