Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize