I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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