We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
