so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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