Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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