Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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