He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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